Importance of Kumkum for Married Hindu Woman

In traditional Hindu society, wearing sindoor is considered must for married Hindu women. It is a visible expression of their desire for their husbands' longevity. Traditionally therefore, widows did not wear vermilion.

Sindoor is applied for the first time to a Hindu woman during the marriage ceremony when the bridegroom himself adorns her with it. The ceremony is called Sindoor-Dana and is very much in vogue even in present times. Religious scholars say that there has been no mention of this ceremony before the Grihasutras hence it is considered to be a relatively new practice.

The tradition of wearing Sindoor by married women has been explained with the help of mythology. Scholars say that red is the color of power while vermilion is a symbol of the female energy of Parvati and Sati. Hindu mythological legends regard Sati as the ideal wife who gave her life for her husband's honor. Every Hindu wife is supposed to emulate her. Hindus believe that Goddess Parvati protects all those men whose wives apply vermilion to their parting of hair.

(Source : http://www.surfindia.com/)

What Makes Marriage Work

Communication

What is the one indispensable ingredient for making marriages work? Family life educators usually answer: communication. This is good news, because effective communication can be learned. Skills such as active listening, using “I” statements, paying attention to my feelings and those of my spouse, and learning tips for “fighting fair” make marriage easier. Some couples use these skills intuitively because they saw them modeled in their own upbringing. Others can learn them through classes, workshops and reading.

Of course, the hardest part of communicating usually comes when there is disagreement between the two of you.

Commitment and Common Values

Some ingredients, if missing, can doom a relationship from the start. Two primary ones are commitment and common values.

Commitment bonds a couple together when you are tired, annoyed, or angry with each other. Sometimes, remembering your vows can prompt you to push past these problems and try to forgive and start again.

Common values are important. If you aren’t together on basic values such as children, honesty, fidelity, and putting family before work, no amount of learning or effort of the will can resolve the conflict. For example, constant tension will result if one spouse wants to live simply while the other wants life’s luxuries.

Spirituality/Faith

You might not consider yourself a spiritual person; however, anyone who seeks the deeper meaning of life, and not a life focused on personal pleasure, operates out of a spiritual sense. For many this desire is expressed in commitment to a specific faith tradition. Here one joins with others to worship God and work for the common good.

Although being a person of faith is not essential to making your marriage work, it’s a bonus. Certainly good people throughout the ages have had happy marriages and not all of them have been religious. But it helps to have faith principles to guide you and a faith community to encourage your commitment.

Source :http://foryourmarriage.org

Two Keys to a Happy Marriage

Almost every #marriage starts out as a huge celebration. Together with their family and friends, each couple is full of hopes and dreams for their future life together. But the road to a happy marriage is far from easy. And as today’s divorce statistics demonstrate all too well, many couples opt not to complete the journey.

It would be easy to blame our high rate of marital failure on things like not spending enough quality time together, allowing bitterness and resentment to build in our hearts and failing to keep communication lines open. There’s no end to books, articles and seminars that tell you how to improve these and many other aspects of your relationship. But while quality time, forgiveness and communication are vitally important to creating a happy marriage, if such things aren’t happening, it’s usually a sign of a much deeper problem. And until this problem is addressed, no amount of external behavior modification will work.

To get a hint of what this deeper issue might be, let’s take a look at the following Scripture passage:

One of them, an expert in the law, tested him [Jesus] with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:35-40)

I believe that virtually every marital problem can be traced back to one or both partners failing to abide by these two laws. The same is true of any relationship. The minute we begin to focus on our own wants and needs over those of God or our partner; we’re destined for trouble.

Experiencing communication problems in your marriage? How often do you really focus on listening to what your partner (or God) has to say instead of insisting on more airtime? Feeling bitterness and resentment growing toward your partner? When was the last time you brought him or her before the Lord in prayer and truly thanked God for your relationship? Struggling to find quality time together? How about praying with your partner and asking God how he would like you to use your time?

As you begin to do these things, you’ll notice that your focus automatically starts to shift away from you and your desires and over to God and your partner. As a result, communication problems begin to improve, anger and resentment fade away and you naturally want to spend more time together. Of course, you can’t expect such changes to happen overnight. Your relationship is also bound to face financial pressures, childrearing issues and other problems that are beyond your control. But if you commit your relationship to God and make a conscious decision each day to put God and your partner first, your marriage will be able to weather any storm. Not only that; you’ll also have plenty of fun together along the way!


Source :http://www.thoughts-about-god.com

Secrets to a Great Marriage

Many couples could avoid divorce if they got some good advice (and remembered it) when their marriage started having serious trouble. Here are some tips that should benefit most couples.

1. Think before you speak. Couples tend to develop hot button issues that cause frequent arguments. You can reduce bickering by waiting before responding to something that has made you angry. Count to ten. It may be better to discuss difficult issues once emotions are not so high.

2. Don’t give up. Any married person will tell you that marriages wax and wane. There are good times, bad times, and so-so times. A marriage is viable if the good outweighs the bad, even by a little bit. The more you appreciate the good and try to let the bad roll off, the easier it will get, and the more fondness and connection you will feel towards your spouse.

3. Give your marriage at least as much attention as you give your hobbies. People spend huge amounts of time, money, and effort on their off-work interests. But when a marriage is making them feel bad, some throw up their hands and decide that it’s useless to try anymore. Reading books on marriage, conflict resolution, and communication techniques will help your marriage. Getting your spouse to read them is even better.

4. Treat your spouse better than you treat anyone else. Have you heard the expression “familiarity breeds contempt?” The unfortunate truth is that people tend to treat their spouses worse than they treat strangers. Retrain yourself to give your spouse the utmost respect.

5. Have separate interests. Make sure you have some private space, and give your spouse some, too. Marriage entails a lot of togetherness, but you don’t need to be joined at the hip.

6. Encourage your spouse’s dreams and goals. In a successful marriage, one spouse is happy for the other’s successes. Good spouses foster the other in achieving goals. Sometimes goals, such as a career change, are scary and need to be carefully evaluated. Do the work together.

7. Find things you enjoy doing together. A marriage is a partnership. If you both have totally separate interests, you will eventually grow apart. Find shared interests, pursuits, and enjoyment, recognizing that these activities will probably change over time.

8. Don’t think the grass is always greener on the other side. Most people who leave their marriages for someone else find the same problems in the new relationship, and many regret not having worked things out in their first marriage.

9. Don’t sweat the little things. As in the world of work, it is important to have priorities. Carefully pick your battles, and let the other stuff slide.

10. Compliment your spouse at least once every day. This leads to a healthy relationship, and it is the right thing to do, because your spouse is probably doing many good things every day.

11. Work hard with your spouse to create financial security. One of the benefits of marriage is the creation of a strong economic joint venture. As your financial security builds up, it will be one of the things that lets you feel good about each other and the world. It will also be a measure of the good work you’ve both done during your marriage.

12. Be your spouse’s partner. Keep each other informed about activities you are engaged in, including your work days and what you do at home. The time you spend separately outside in the world every day is very significant. Always talk to each other at the end of the day about how your day went.

13. Always assume the best of your spouse. Everyone has misunderstandings and miscommunications. If your spouse’s actions displease you, wait a bit and, then, try to find out the motivation. You might well find that your spouse meant to be constructive and not negative and that you made the wrong interpretation or assumption.

14. Give your spouse a treat occasionally. If there’s something your spouse likes, offer it without being asked sometimes, even if you don’t care for it. It can be a small thing: a date to the movies, a ride to a place your spouse likes to go, or maybe a favorite food from the grocery store.

15. Don’t fight with your spouse about the kids. Disagreements about children can be very corrosive to a marriage. Have your discussions off-line so that your children do not know you disagree. Get professional advice, if needed, to help you coordinate and respect your different views.

16. Don’t complain about your spouse to your friends and family. One complaint at a low time in your marriage will resonate with the listener long after the problem or spat was resolved. If you need to talk with someone about your marriage, find an independent professional.

17. Be faithful. Affairs destroy many marriages. If you can’t resist someone outside of your marriage, be honest with everyone and end the marriage first.

18. Spend time with mutual friends. Pursuing outside friendships together, with single people or other couples, is often very good for a marriage.

19. Forgive each other. Marriage is very long, and bad things are bound to happen. Every spouse (even you!) makes mistakes and treats the other poorly at times. You must be able to forgive your spouse for the wrongs done to you and move on. Remember that the next time it may be you who needs to be forgiven.

20. Appreciate each other’s contributions to the marital venture. Marriages often fail because of perceived differences in the level of contribution of each party. Try to appreciate the other person’s contributions, whether they are financial or emotional.

Marriage isn't easy. Building a strong marriage takes time, effort, and maturity. But it’s worth it.


(Source : http://www.divorcenet.com)