To Meet or Not To Meet Is The Question

Gotto meet. 6.30 the usual place.

That's the text I got from Riddhi while I was at work. How I hate such cliffhangers! Sneaking away 10 minutes early from work, I was at our usual cafe waiting for my friend. Sending such texts and being late didn't complement each other too well. However, my plans of  antagonize her for it evaporated with that smug look on her face.

What ensued later was an uber expressive tale of how she had to endure a three-hour long meeting with a boy her parents had found for her to get settled with. Her problem didn't stem from the fact that her parents were trying to get her married, it was the fact that she thrown into the situation out of the blue. Her point being, I wasn't ready for the meeting and the talk with a stranger.

I get that, maybe not entirely, but I think I do. Keeping her story aside, if such an event were to arise in my life, the least I would expect from myself and the guy is to be clear in our heads. If you're meeting me from an arranged marriage point of view, you better not be caught up in maybes and could bes. This applies to almost every aspect of life that should matter.

Going back to Riddhi's meeting fiasco, I asked her the most clichéd question that she must've answered so many times now- "why weren't you ready for it?" After an exaggerated eye roll she said, "where do I start? I'm ok with the entire idea of settling down. But I haven't given a thought about things that should matter to me, haven't prioritized yet. I know the traits I'm looking for in my partner but I have no idea about what I expect from a relationship. My career is a different thing altogether. Eveything seems like a porridge in my head right now."

Everything that she said hit me hard, in a refreshing way, gave me a peep into the thought process I was droning on about. It also led to so many new questions. Do they all decide on their priorities or do they discover the same along the way? Does everyone think of all these aspects which are hounding my friend? If not, why?

So many questions in the same line that I feel I will gain answer to only if and when I go through the entire hodge-podge.

Get Help Before The Wound Festers.

I was in the supermarket the other day looking for a particular brand of shampoo when I bumped into a couple visibly arguing right in front of the shampoo I wanted to buy. It was awkward at first, trying to reach a bottle while hearing the contents of an unrelated argument which made me wonder, why is this issue so important that they feel the need to stop their shopping and argue in a public place creating a minor scene. It could be something as big as financial trouble or as small as too much junk in the cart. Issues. This reminded me of my, now distant, best friend who got married very recently and is now unable to live with her husband owing to a hoard of small issues creating a big gap between the two.

Why do issues get the best of a relationship? Why do people give up before a mountain heap of issues instead of tearing it down? I asked the same question to that friend and all she said was ‘you don’t understand.’ I’m sure I don’t and I don’t have to necessarily. But the question is do you? Do all these people facing issues in their marriage understand their issues?

Problems faced in a marriage are so wide. Some of them can be easily sorted with communication between the two, but, what do they do when the problem is beyond their scope of understanding? When reaching the root of the problem by themselves becomes impossible? As far as I know, most of them give up or give in. These two options aren’t always the only ones available. Seeking help from a third neutral party could do wonders for the marriage. What i mean is seeking marriage counselling could be a more sane option than the other two.

In a country like India, however, it is frowned upon to opt for marriage counselling. People, including the ones that love you and want the best for you, would prefer it if you solved your issues between you two sans involving anyone else including a professional. I can almost imagine them saying tings in line of ‘why do you want to wash your dirty laundry in public?’ And if you aren’t able to solve your issues, then you might as well live with them, because divorce, too, is looked down upon. Yes, after reading this a few of you will definitely say that the views are changing and it’s not the same anymore. I, however, think that the views of barely 3-5% of people are evolving the rest being unexposed to these topics in detail or not willing to budge from their age-old opinions.

I’m not asserting when two people face the simplest of problems they immediately must run to get an appointment with a marriage counsellor or not communicate and try to overcome their issues on their own. All I’m trying to say is don’t be engulfed by those problems, don’t sacrifice your marriage in the process. Get an appointment with a counsellor, try to follow what the he/she says, and you might be able to see through your issues together. Of course there are chances that the process might not leave you unscathed and might affect your relationship, but trust me, this effect will definitely cease once the process concludes. Also there are possibilities that your problems won’t be solved with the aid of such counselling and you would be obligated to take recourse of some extreme measures, but these chances are way too little as compared to the success rate of it.

I’d say take a chance, don’t let the views of others govern your marriage, for taking the aid of a marriage counsellor and fighting for what matters would always turn out to be a boon for you and your marriage.

"May be it won't workout. But may be seeing if it does will be the best adventure ever."

Can Signatures Unite Two People?!

I was recently asked by a family friend if I'd want to have a court marriage instead of a proper ceremony. To that I, very honestly, told him that I would prefer a proper wedding inclusive of all the ceremonies. The judgemental look I got for this reply was enough for me to realize that he didn't approve of it. But giving that awful look wasn't enough for him I suppose, it was accompanied by a slight "why do you want to spend your money hosting random relatives and create an event out of your marriage?!"

Why does one think that the sole reason for having a proper wedding is that one wants to make an event out of it? What about the emotional value and the cultural importance affiliated to these ceremonies? Being a hindu, a hindu marriage has three important aspects- kanyadaan, panigrahana, and saptapadi. In the most lay man language, when one goes to explain these three aspects, one can say-

• kanyadaan is the giving away of the daughter by her father
• panigrahana is the voluntary holding of hands by the groom of the bride near the fire which signifies the union of the bride and the groom
• saptapadi is the taking seven steps around the holy fire wherein each step is a form of a promise.

The basis of these vows- of being together in happiness and otherwise, being supportive of each other, of taking care of each other, respecting one another, and so on- is almost the same in case of different religions, castes and sub-castes.

My point is why do we take away the importance of such a holy union and reduce it to a mere marriage certificate? What is it that is making us erode the edges and reduce things to make them seem irrelevant? Have these practices got no place in our modern lives now?

Criticizing one's choices is hardly my intention, I'm hardly in a place to do that. This write up is barely about sparking a debate between court marriages and traditional ceremonies. My sole goal, however, is trying to invoke some realization, raise my doubts, jog your treadmill of thoughts, for,

Culture does not make people, People make culture.

New age rules for a happy marriage

by Joyoti Mahanta

1.    Time-out
While there are many couples who like to resolve their issues before calling it a night, even if it keeps them up till the wee hours, many relationship experts say that sometimes it’s probably a good idea to sleep over your issues. This way, you can calm down, re-think your stand and not make a decision in haste. Same goes for your spouse. 

2.    Holiday apart
You don’t need to go everywhere together—it’s not like you are attached at the hip. Unless you’re on your honeymoon, it’s okay to holiday apart. Your interests may not match and you may not want to visit the same places. In such cases, it’s better to holiday with your friends; just like it were a bachelorette, rather than spending money on a vacation where one partner is unhappy. That will ruin the others mood too. 

3.    Individual accounts
Many relationship counsellors have said that financial issues are a major cause for breakdown of marriages, especially among today’s independent lot. It may seem like a good idea to maintain separate bank accounts instead of the traditional joint ones. While some may consider this a breach of trust, it seems like a logical way to ensure control over your finances. 

4.    Don’t shop together
Let’s face it—most men hate shopping. They may tag along because of the incessant begging or complaining, but isn’t it better when your shopping buddy is someone who enjoys shopping as well. The next time you are in the mood to splurge, get one of your friends to tag along, who likes to shop and doesn’t mind the long hours.

5.    Socialise separately
Many couples have a set of common friends, but it isn’t necessary to abandon the friends that you have known before marriage. In fact, having different sets of friends will give both of you some space in the relationship. Often, you should let your husband party with his friends, especially when there is a good match on TV, and this way you can make it a date with your girlfriends. 

6.    Share household chores
Women work hard too, so why should we be expected to do all the household chores or confine ourselves to the kitchen once we’re home after a long day of work. As a couple, you should take turns to do household chores like cooking, cleaning and washing the utensils, or atleast offer to help instead of one person toiling away.

7.    Respect ‘me time’
It’s healthy to spend time by yourself once in a while and you don’t have to feel guilty about it. Many relationship experts say that doing things for yourself often leads to a happier relationship.

7 ways to choose the right life partner

 by Meghna Mukherjee

Selecting the right life partner is necessary to lead a happy married life. Here's how you can select your perfect one

There are many factors that one needs to consider when choosing a life partner. The most important aspect is to consider things that are crucial to you.

·                        Find someone who you can connect with easily
              It is very important to choose somebody who you can easily strike a conversation with.                  This way, you can enjoy doing things and talking about them together without getting                  bored.

·    Potential partner with same interests
Selecting someone who shares a lot of common interests with you will work in your favour. Remember that all your interests don't really have to be the same, but some would do. Says clinical psychologist and relationship expert Seema Hingorrany, "When you decide to spend your life with someone, you must look at things that the two of you would love to do together. For example, if you are a movie buff, you would ideally like to be with someone who enjoys movies as well. This will make your life interesting."

·    Consider your partner's intellect
If you are a laid-back person and your partner is an over-achiever, that could lead to a threat in your marriage. You must see eye to eye on how both of you are able to think and process things.

·    It's okay to have standards
While choosing a life partner, you need to consider your and your family's standards. Though it's okay to choose someone who probably does not belong to the same strata of society as yours, make sure that he/she's not completely off the mark.

·    You should have respect for one another
You obviously cannot spend your life with someone who has no respect for you or your dreams/goals or your personality. So, choose someone who will acknowledge you for the rest of your life.

·    Is your potential trustworthy
In this day and age, it is extremely important to choose someone you can trust. You definitely cannot lead a happy marriage if you cannot trust each other or have faith.

·    Spend time together
Just as important as it is to have similar interests, it is also crucial to be with someone who gives you enough time and who you would love to spend time with.


Source: http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com

Tradition of Payal in India

Since ancient times, payal or anklet has been an important jewelry for Indian woman. Even today this piece of traditional jewelry has not lost its charm a bit. Payals are still one of the most important fashion accessories of modern Indian women.

Since ancient times, payal or anklet has been an important jewelry for Indian woman. Even today this piece of traditional jewelry has not lost its charm a bit. Payals are still one of the most important fashion accessories of modern Indian women.

Gift for New Born Girls
Silver payal in exquisite carving is one of the most popular and traditional gift for new born girls. Small tinkling bells are usually added to the baby payals so that when little girl learns to walk she delights everyone with the "chham chamm" of her payal. Attachment of young girls with payals is formed quite early thus and remains for life.

Wearing Payal on Traditional Occasions
On traditional occasion such as festivals and weddings, most girls adorn their feet with designer payals. Most girls in India keep quite a collection of silver payals. These days ankle chains made of less precious materials like rubber, seashells, beads etc are very much in vogues. These are worn casually on family get together or outings.

An Important Part of Indian Bride's Jewellery
Heavily crafted and designer payals are an important part of Indian bride's jewelry. Traditionally, the new bride announces her arrival in her husband's house with the tinkling sound of anklets.

Gift for the Bride
Payals are considered to be traditional and auspicious gift for the new bride in India. Heavily carves payals or payals embellished with exquisite meenakari work are an all-time favorite gift for the newly weds.

Tradition of Wearing Silver and not Gold Payals
Mostly, Hindu women prefer to wear payals made of silver and not gold. This is because Indians believe gold to be the metal of the gods and is therefore sacred. To wear it on the feet, the lowest part of the body, is considered to be an ill-omen and disrespectful.

source:http://www.surfindia.com/

10 Ways to Melt a Woman's Heart

Dedicated to Specially for Boys 

1. Call Her When you're feeling Sad, 

2. Ask to See A Picture of Her; 

When She was a Child..! 

3. Occasionally Call Her; 

By Her First and Middle Names, :)) 

4. When She's feeling Insecure; 

Stare Into Her Eyes and Tell Her;

"There is No-One in the World 

Who could be as Right for you as She Is.." 

5. Call Her just Before you get on the Plane, :)) 

6. Try Desperately; To Make Her Laugh 

When She's feeling Down, 

7. In the Middle of a Conversation; 

Tell Her you Love Her.. :)) 

8. Notice When She's Wearing Something New, :)) 

9. Hug Her When She gets Jealous.., 

Hug Her Hard..! x 

10. Put your Arms Around Her; 

When you Introduce Her to your friends and family.. 

Must Try Guyz, 

Its Really Works.. 

4 Reasons to Match Kundali before Getting Married

By Parul Singh

Marriages in India are largely based on Kundali Milan(horoscope matching). It is considered as a crucial step before the final commitment to the prospective bride and groom. Although, not many believe in this horoscope matching ritual. But those who do, will not get their daughter or son married without matching the ‘gunas’ with their prospective partners. Read on to know the reasons behind this kundali matching custom.

1. To check marriage compatibility

Marriage, in Hinduism is considered to be a sacred union which the couple should not only abide by in this life but for the next seven successive lives too. Horoscope basically reflects the planet positions of a person and their effects on his/her life.
According to Shastras, nature considers man and women as single identity post marriage. As a result one spouse’s destiny, luck and fate influences the other. It can either create wonders or lead to a bad relationship. This is why kundali milan plays a vital role in decoding the marriage compatibility of two people.

2. To know relationship quotient

‘Guna’ or ‘Ashtakoot’ is one of the major parameters taken into consideration while matching akundali.  Altogether, there are eight gunas which are taken into consideration to test the amity between two people. Each guna has different numeric points which when added, sum up to a total of 36. The marriage is acceptable if two kundalis match with 18 or more points. Higher score means better compatibility. 

• Varna – Matching of the castes
• Vashya – Attraction
• Tara – Longevity 
• Yoni – Nature and characteristics
• Graha Maitri – Natural friendship
• Gan – Mental Compatibility
• Bhakoot – Relative influence of one on the other
• Nadi – Possibility of child birth

3. To foresee mental and physical compatibility  

Both the partners' mindset, behavior, temper, interest and aptitude are predicted through kundali Milan. This ensures a happy marriage. Also, the level of physical attraction is tested since marriage cannot survive if there is no feeling of desirability for each other. Moreover, the health condition of to-be bride and groom is also a point to be considered.

4. To foretell financial conditions and family adjustment

Financial stability is one thing which every parent looks into. What will be the job prospective in the near future; chances of promotions are analysed through kundali. Besides this, the other thing that is tallied is the adjustment parameter. Whether the girl and the boy can adjust with each other and their respective families or not, whether they can adapt to changing situations or not are part of the matching ritual.

Kundali milan is done to ensure that the newlyweds live a ‘happily ever after’ married life.

Source: http://www.bollywoodshaadis.com

4 Lessons Indian Husbands Must Learn from Sachin Tendulkar By Meenu Bahuguna

Sachin Tendulkar, the Master Blaster, is an inspiration to the world. He made his international debut when he was merely 16 years old. Mathew Hayden, the Australian batsman once said, “I have seen God, he bats at no. 4 for India in Test.” He clearly meant Sachin Tendulkar.

Our 'Little Master' has made the world proud with his antics on the field and has been named among the greatest cricketers of all times. Professional achievements aside, there is another part to Sachin– a shy boyfriend, a loyal husband and a committed life partner. As inspirational as he is in cricket, there are a lot of things that all Indian husbands can learn from this 'God of Cricket' too.

Dedication and commitment

For a person of Sachin’s stature, there is definitely no dearth of beautiful temptations. But Sachin is one of the few cricketers whose name has never been involved in a controversy with regard to his love life. While some of his contemporaries were chasing Bollywood divas, Sachin remain chaste and oblivious to abounding enticements surrounding him in all part of the world. His commitment and love towards his wife is really inspirational. Well it won't be wrong if we say that every woman should be blessed with a husband who is as dedicated as Sachin Tendulkar.

Focus on qualitative time

Since Sachin travels all over the world almost all round the year, he hardly gets to spend a lot of time with his family. However, the Master Blaster balances his work and family by ensuring that he spends qualitative time with his wife and kids whenever he is at home. He takes them out on holidays, family dinners and bonds with his family lovingly whenever around. His wife Anjali says, “He hasn’t spent Diwali at home since we got married. But it really doesn’t matter that it’s Diwali… any time he spends at home is great!” Sachin epitomises the fact that quality of time is always more important than quantity.

Only love matters

Sachin’s wife Anjali is six years elder to him. She is at least one inch taller than him. She is from a different community and culture. But all these petty things just didn’t matter. For Sachin, the boyfriend, as well as for Sachin, the husband, love is all that matters. This is one quality that every husband can emulate. Nothing is bigger than love. Once in a BBC interview when asked about his dream women, Sachin answered ‘my wife’ without batting an eyelid.

Recognises his wife’s sacrifices

Unlike a lot of husbands who never recognise the sacrifices that their wives make for the family, Sachin has gone on record time and again recognising Anjali’s contribution in his life. He concedes that he never has the time to teach his kids or spend much time with them, he always endorses that it is his wife who manages everything so beautifully at the personal front. He recognises and respects the fact that Anjali gave up her doctor’s career so that she could manage the family.

He says that Anjali has been his biggest support and even mentioned that when he is on the field batting, his wife fasts for him!

Sachin Tendulkar is a true inspiration, not only in the field of cricket but also off the field. Be it love and dedication to his family or his humility, there is a lot that every man can emulate from him. So, all the husbands out there, look beyond the Master Blaster's cricketing shots and you are sure to score a century with your wife!

source: http://www.bollywoodshaadis.com/

Physical attraction does make a difference in a marriage.

Physical appearance plays a crucial role in shaping new relationships, but does it continue to affect established relationships, such as marriage? In the current study, the authors examined how observer ratings of each spouse's facial attractiveness and the difference between those ratings were associated with (a) observations of social support behavior and (b) reports of marital satisfaction.

In contrast to the robust and almost universally positive effects of levels of attractiveness on new relationships, the only association between levels of attractiveness and the outcomes of these marriages was that attractive husbands were less satisfied.

Further, in contrast to the importance of matched attractiveness to new relationships, similarity in attractiveness was unrelated to spouses' satisfaction and behavior. Instead, the relative difference between partners' levels of attractiveness appeared to be most important in predicting marital behavior, such that both spouses behaved more positively in relationships in which wives were more attractive than their husbands, but they behaved more negatively in relationships in which husbands were more attractive than their wives. These results highlight the importance of dyadic examinations of the effects of spouses' qualities on their marriages.

Source: Beyond initial attraction: Physical attractiveness in newlywed marriage. By McNulty, James K.; Neff, Lisa A.; Karney, Benjamin R. Journal of Family

There are ways to find that perfect partner.

Marriage isn't all fun and games.

So if you're gonna do it, do it right. But how do you know who to marry? Should you just trust your feelings or pick the person who "looks good on paper"? Luckily, science has answers for us:

1) Find someone who you idealize and who idealizes you. (I've posted about the benefits delusion has on love before.) If you're already cynical about the person by the time you hit the altar, you're in trouble:

This study examined the long-term consequences of idealization in marriage, using both daily diary and questionnaire data collected from a sample of 168 newlywed couples who participated in a 4-wave, 13-year longitudinal study of marriage. Idealization was operationalized as the tendency for people to perceive their partner as more agreeable than would be expected based on their reports of their partner's agreeable and disagreeable behaviors. Spouses who idealized one another were more in love with each other as newlyweds. Longitudinal analyses suggested that spouses were less likely to suffer declines in love when they idealized one another as newlyweds. Newlywed levels of idealization did not predict divorce.
Source: "Positive Illusions in Marital Relationships: A 13-Year Longitudinal Study" from Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin

2) Marry somebody with high self-esteem. Ladies, you're probably already attracted to this. Guys, watch out for women who don't feel good about themselves:

A model of the commitment-insurance system is proposed to examine how low and high self-esteem people cope with the costs interdependence imposes on autonomous goal pursuits. In this system, autonomy costs automatically activate compensatory cognitive processes that attach greater value to the partner. Greater partner valuing compels greater responsiveness to the partner’s needs. Two experiments and a daily diary study of newlyweds supported the model. Autonomy costs automatically activate more positive implicit evaluations of the partner. On explicit measures of positive illusions, high self-esteem people continue to compensate for costs. However, cost-primed low self-esteem people correct and override their positive implicit sentiments when they have the opportunity to do so. Such corrections put the marriages of low self-esteem people at risk: Failing to compensate for costs predicted declines in satisfaction over a 1-year period. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2009 APA, all rights reserved)

Source: "Commitment insurance: Compensating for the autonomy costs of interdependence in close relationships." from Journal of Personality and Social Psychology

3) Ladies, want a husband who is actively involved with his kids' lives? Find a guy with higher socioeconomic status. Plus it'll make your kids smarter. (Money never hurts, does it?):

Previous studies in developed-world populations have found that fathers become more involved with their sons than with their daughters and become more involved with their children if they are of high socioeconomic status (SES) than if they are of low SES. This paper addresses the idea proposed by Kaplan et al. that this pattern arises because high-SES fathers and fathers of sons can make more difference to offspring outcomes. Using a large longitudinal British dataset, I show that paternal involvement in childhood has positive associations with offspring IQ at age 11, and offspring social mobility by age 42, though not with numbers of grandchildren. For IQ, there is an interaction between father's SES and his level of involvement, with high-SES fathers making more difference to the child's IQ by their investment than low-SES fathers do. The effects of paternal investment on the IQ and social mobility of sons and daughters were the same. Results are discussed with regard to the evolved psychology and social patterning of paternal behavior in humans.

Source: "Why do some dads get more involved than others? Evidence from a large British cohort" from Evolution & Human Behavior"

3) Guys, you want to avoid that whole "involuntarily celibate" situation that men fear after years of marriage? Don't marry a woman who is sexually submissive:

Women are bombarded with images of women's sexual submission and subservience to male partners. The authors argue that women internalize this submissive role, namely, they associate sex implicitly with submission. The authors propose that this association leads to submissive sexual behavior, thereby reducing sexual autonomy and arousal. Study 1 found that women implicitly associated sex with submission. Study 2 showed that women's implicit association of sex with submission predicted greater personal adoption of a submissive sexual role. Study 3 found that men did not implicitly associate sex with submission. Study 4 demonstrated that women's adoption of a submissive sexual role predicted lower reported arousal and greater reported difficulty becoming sexually aroused; sexual autonomy mediated these effects.

Source: "Sexual Submissiveness in Women: Costs for Sexual Autonomy and Arousal" from Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin

4) Find someone who is conscientious and even a bit neurotic if you want a long and healthy life together:

The present study tested the effect of conscientiousness and neuroticism on health and physical limitations in a representative sample of older couples (N= 2,203) drawn from the Health and Retirement Study. As in past research, conscientiousness predicted better health and physical functioning, whereas neuroticism predicted worse health and physical functioning. Unique to this study was the finding that conscientiousness demonstrated a compensatory effect, such that husbands' conscientiousness predicted wives' health outcomes above and beyond wives' own personality. The same pattern held true for wives' conscientiousness as a predictor of husbands' health outcomes. Furthermore, conscientiousness and neuroticism acted synergistically, such that people who scored high for both traits were healthier than others. Finally, we found that the combination of high conscientiousness and high neuroticism was also compensatory, such that the wives of men with this combination of personality traits reported better health than other women.

Source: "Compensatory Conscientiousness and Health in Older Couples" from Psychological Science

10 Qualities of Great Marriages

Here are 10 qualities of great marriages: 

1. Friendship: Spouses who have a strong friendship have staying power in that they not only love each other, but genuinely like each other. They enjoy spending time together and there is mutual respect.

2. Humor: Spouses who can make each other laugh tend to be good at de-escalating conflicts when they do arise. Couples who have the ability to lighten up a tense moment have a big advantage in that they are able to lighten the mood quickly and possibly derail conflict. The use of funny nicknames can be an indicator of great fondness for one another. The names often stem from a "you had to be there" moment from the beginning of their relationship. 

3. Communication: As obvious as this may seem, many couples are not very good at it. Those who are able to openly express their feelings in an emotionally safe environment typically deal with situations as they come up and avoid burying frustrations which always have a way of coming out at some point. 

4. Chore Sharing: Those who divvy up the household or parenting responsibilities in a way that is mutually agreed upon are less likely to hold resentments about what they perceive as "unfair." Each participates and contributes to the marriage in this way. 

5. Sexual Intimacy: Couples who have their sexual needs met or at least have negotiated a reasonable compromise, if their levels of need aren’t compatible, feel taken care of by the other. Some are highly active, engaging in lovemaking multiple times a week and others are content with far less. There is no "right" or "wrong" here, but if one person is feeling their needs aren’t being met it’s important to talk about it. 

6. Affection: Spouses who stay in physical contact in some way throughout the day feel connected to each other, even if it's a simple stroke of the hair, kiss on the cheek or playful tap on the rear. These moments don’t necessarily lead to sexual intimacy but are rather easy ways to say, "I love you and we’re connected" without the words. Some households are so chaotic between jobs, kids and life that these brief shows of affection can be grounding when everything else is swirling around you. 

7. No "Horsemen of the Apocalypse:" This is a term coined by couple’s researcher, John Gottman, who is able to predict divorce with incredible accuracy. His "four horsemen of the apocalypse" are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. He has shown that couples who demonstrate a high level of "the horsemen" in their relationships are more likely to divorce. 

8. Mutual and Separate Friends: Partners who socialize with other couples and also maintain separate friendships have greater balance in regards to honoring themselves as individuals within the marriage. This leads to more self-satisfaction, which translates to relationship satisfaction. 

9. Reliability: It’s human nature to feel good when those we care about follow through behaviorally and we know they will be there. If couples do what they say and say what they do, they create an atmosphere of comfort in knowing their words mean something to the other, which increases emotional safety in the marriage. 

10. Relationship Vision: Couples who have created a relationship vision for themselves know where they’re going as they’ve planned it together. They get joy out of reaching for their goals as a team and are less likely to be derailed by surprises down the line. Where do they see themselves in 10 years? What are their marriage and family goals? 

Perhaps many of the above ideas resonate with you, and perhaps some do and some don’t. It’s also possible that you have many additional ideas about aspects of successful marriages. At the end of the day great marriages are created by the two people involved and are defined as such by what works for each of them together. I encourage you to sit down with your spouse and talk about your ideas of what makes a great marriage and make it so for yourselves! 

Source: http://www.hitchedmag.com/

The best pre-wedding diet plan

10-point wedding diet plan for brides

If you want to lose weight for your wedding, our pre-wedding diet ideas lift the lid on the best meal plans, weight loss tips, and slimming strategies to help brides shed the pounds.

By following our 10-point plan and a healthy menu, you’ll be sliding rather than squeezing into your gown on your wedding day. After all, nothing beats that feeling of feeling lighter and knowing you are looking your best. The good news is it’s not just a case of scrimping and skipping meals. If you stick to the tips and follow the menu you’ll definitely feel the benefit even if your wedding date is just days away.

Diet tip 1: Always eat breakfast

Kick-start your body’s engine with a low fat, slow energy release, unrefined meal. Aim for a 300-350 calorie meal to fit in with the body’s natural metabolism which is primed in the morning and tails off during the day.

Diet tip 2: Hydrate

Drink plenty of fluids (water, herbal teas and sugar-free cordial); aim for two liters spread throughout the whole day and you’ll feel more energized and alert. Plus, toxins will be flushed away and your complexion will definitely improve.

Diet tip 3: Don’t skip meals

Running on empty is a bad choice as your blood sugar levels will dip causing headaches, fatigue and aggravation, which may even lead to a binge when you eat again. Your body needs a balanced intake of food to function properly, so starving yourself is not the answer.

Diet  tip 4: Cut the booze

If you drink your maximum recommended units (21 per week for women) then you are taking in more than 1,000 extra calories. Strengthen that willpower and try to cut alcohol as much possible in the lead up to the big day.

Diet tip 5: Don’t skimp on protein

Eat a portion of protein at lunchtime to help avoid an energy slump in the afternoon, which could have you heading for the vending machine. Try a chicken salad or prawn stir fry to keep you full into the afternoon.

Diet tip 6: Eat mindfully

You can’t afford to ‘waste’ calories by eating mindlessly at the fridge, straight from the saucepan or while you’re on the go. Make sure that you sit down to savour all your meals and snacks.

Diet tip 7: Use a smaller plate

Swap your normal plate for a slightly smaller one, making your meals seem larger and you'll find your 'full' switch will flip a little faster.

Diet tip 8: Say no to processed food

If it comes in a packet, leave it on the supermarket shelf. You’ll automatically eliminate food manufacturers’ high fat and high sugar products, not forgetting artificial ingredients. Natural and fresh is always best.

Diet tip 9: Move more

Remember, as well as cutting calories you should burn them too – make sure you compliment the 10-point plan with physical activity. Try a brisk walk to work, an invigorating swim after dinner or join a class at your gym.

Diet tip 10: Mix it up

Make sure you don’t eat the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner day-in day-out. Keep things interesting by finding new recipes so that you don’t get bored and end up reaching for the chocolate. A good way to avoid the routine rut is to plan your meals ahead and buy ingredients accordingly.

Weight loss menu ideas

Here’s our mix and match menu to give your diet variety – choose one breakfast, lunch and dinner option and two snack options per day and remember space your meals evenly. Please note this is only a short-term weight-loss plan aimed to cut calories in the run up to you wedding. The best way to lose weight in the long term is to gradually increase your levels of physical activity and follow a balanced, healthy diet.

Weight loss breakfast idea (approx 300-350 calories)

• 50g oats mixed with 100g low-fat natural yoghurt and 100g strawberries

• 45g cereal with 200ml semi-skimmed milk and 200g blueberries

• Two boiled eggs, one slice of wholemeal toast and 10 cherry tomatoes

Weight loss lunch ideas (approx 200-250 calories)

• Brown pitta bread stuffed with 50g lean ham and 100g salad • Two rye crackers topped with 100g cottage cheese and 50g of ham • One slice of wholemeal toast, smeared with half an avocado and a sprinkle of Tabasco sauce

Weight loss dinner ideas (approx 250-300 calories)

• 150g grilled cod, 150g broccoli and 10 roasted cherry tomatoes

• Omelette made with two eggs, two egg whites, 50g mushrooms served with150g salad

• 150g grilled turkey, 150g roasted vegetables (yellow peppers, courgettes, red onions)

Weight loss snack ideas (approx 150 calories each)

• One 120g pot of yoghurt plus one tablespoon of honey

• 50g reduced fat hummus with one medium carrot cut into sticks

• Three rough oatcakes smeared with marmite

Source:  http://www.getwed.com