Secrets to a Great Marriage

Many couples could avoid divorce if they got some good advice (and remembered it) when their marriage started having serious trouble. Here are some tips that should benefit most couples.

1. Think before you speak. Couples tend to develop hot button issues that cause frequent arguments. You can reduce bickering by waiting before responding to something that has made you angry. Count to ten. It may be better to discuss difficult issues once emotions are not so high.

2. Don’t give up. Any married person will tell you that marriages wax and wane. There are good times, bad times, and so-so times. A marriage is viable if the good outweighs the bad, even by a little bit. The more you appreciate the good and try to let the bad roll off, the easier it will get, and the more fondness and connection you will feel towards your spouse.

3. Give your marriage at least as much attention as you give your hobbies. People spend huge amounts of time, money, and effort on their off-work interests. But when a marriage is making them feel bad, some throw up their hands and decide that it’s useless to try anymore. Reading books on marriage, conflict resolution, and communication techniques will help your marriage. Getting your spouse to read them is even better.

4. Treat your spouse better than you treat anyone else. Have you heard the expression “familiarity breeds contempt?” The unfortunate truth is that people tend to treat their spouses worse than they treat strangers. Retrain yourself to give your spouse the utmost respect.

5. Have separate interests. Make sure you have some private space, and give your spouse some, too. Marriage entails a lot of togetherness, but you don’t need to be joined at the hip.

6. Encourage your spouse’s dreams and goals. In a successful marriage, one spouse is happy for the other’s successes. Good spouses foster the other in achieving goals. Sometimes goals, such as a career change, are scary and need to be carefully evaluated. Do the work together.

7. Find things you enjoy doing together. A marriage is a partnership. If you both have totally separate interests, you will eventually grow apart. Find shared interests, pursuits, and enjoyment, recognizing that these activities will probably change over time.

8. Don’t think the grass is always greener on the other side. Most people who leave their marriages for someone else find the same problems in the new relationship, and many regret not having worked things out in their first marriage.

9. Don’t sweat the little things. As in the world of work, it is important to have priorities. Carefully pick your battles, and let the other stuff slide.

10. Compliment your spouse at least once every day. This leads to a healthy relationship, and it is the right thing to do, because your spouse is probably doing many good things every day.

11. Work hard with your spouse to create financial security. One of the benefits of marriage is the creation of a strong economic joint venture. As your financial security builds up, it will be one of the things that lets you feel good about each other and the world. It will also be a measure of the good work you’ve both done during your marriage.

12. Be your spouse’s partner. Keep each other informed about activities you are engaged in, including your work days and what you do at home. The time you spend separately outside in the world every day is very significant. Always talk to each other at the end of the day about how your day went.

13. Always assume the best of your spouse. Everyone has misunderstandings and miscommunications. If your spouse’s actions displease you, wait a bit and, then, try to find out the motivation. You might well find that your spouse meant to be constructive and not negative and that you made the wrong interpretation or assumption.

14. Give your spouse a treat occasionally. If there’s something your spouse likes, offer it without being asked sometimes, even if you don’t care for it. It can be a small thing: a date to the movies, a ride to a place your spouse likes to go, or maybe a favorite food from the grocery store.

15. Don’t fight with your spouse about the kids. Disagreements about children can be very corrosive to a marriage. Have your discussions off-line so that your children do not know you disagree. Get professional advice, if needed, to help you coordinate and respect your different views.

16. Don’t complain about your spouse to your friends and family. One complaint at a low time in your marriage will resonate with the listener long after the problem or spat was resolved. If you need to talk with someone about your marriage, find an independent professional.

17. Be faithful. Affairs destroy many marriages. If you can’t resist someone outside of your marriage, be honest with everyone and end the marriage first.

18. Spend time with mutual friends. Pursuing outside friendships together, with single people or other couples, is often very good for a marriage.

19. Forgive each other. Marriage is very long, and bad things are bound to happen. Every spouse (even you!) makes mistakes and treats the other poorly at times. You must be able to forgive your spouse for the wrongs done to you and move on. Remember that the next time it may be you who needs to be forgiven.

20. Appreciate each other’s contributions to the marital venture. Marriages often fail because of perceived differences in the level of contribution of each party. Try to appreciate the other person’s contributions, whether they are financial or emotional.

Marriage isn't easy. Building a strong marriage takes time, effort, and maturity. But it’s worth it.


(Source : http://www.divorcenet.com)

Significance of 7 Vows in Indian Marriages

When it comes to Indian marriages, words like big, fat, extravagant, pomp and show come to our mind at once. However, irrespective of the style and size of the wedding, one thing that remains common in all Hindu marriages is the ‘seven vows’ signified by the sacred ‘saat pheras’ around fire or ‘agni’, which is one of the most imperative rituals of Indian weddings. 

With each ‘phera’ the couple makes a vow, a commitment with strong mythological roots, which is to be lived forever and more, its only then that a couple is accepted as husband and wife for the next many lives to come.

These seven vows are supposed to serve as an anchor to keep the couple going through all the ups and downs of life together, as husband and wife tied to each other in a sacred relationship.

First vow :——

The couple appeals to the almighty to shower blessings in the form of pure and nourishing food with a respectful and noble life. The groom pledges to provide welfare and happiness to his wife and children, whereas the bride swears to shoulder all responsibilities for the welfare of the groom’s entire family.

Second vow :——

The groom requests the bride to be his strength so that he can provide security and protect the family with courage. The bride agrees to abide by, while demanding eternal love and undivided attention.

Third vow :——

The couple pleads for wisdom, wealth, and prosperity in order to live a content and satisfied life. They pledge to remain spiritually committed and the bride assures the groom that by the virtue of true love and devotion she will remain a chaste wife.

Fourth vow :—— 

The groom thanks his would-be wife for bringing auspiciousness, happiness, and sacredness in his life. In return, the bride takes an oath to serve and please her husband in every way possible. Together, they also pledge to take care and respect their elders in the family.

Fifth vow :——

The importance of the fifth vow is to pray for the welfare of all the living things in this Universe and begetting a noble breed. The couple also prays to almighty to bless each other’s friends and family with happiness and well-being.

Sixth vow :——

In the sixth vow, God is invoked to bless the couple for bountiful seasons and long lived togetherness. The groom wishes that his wife would glut his life with joy and peace; while the bride provides assurance that she would participate with her husband in all his noble and divine acts.

Seventh vow :——

This is the last vow adding completion to the ceremony. Here the couple pleads for the long lasting relationship, enriched with understanding and loyalty. They take an oath to nourish their relationship with love and honesty and be together with each other forever not only in this life, but also in the lives to come.

Even though different religions and cultures have their own unique set of vows and different ways to perform them, the basic meaning of all remains the same ‘commitment’, a vow of being spiritually united as one. It is a way to assure your partner that he/she is worthy of your love and you are willing to submit, ‘till death do you part’.

True love is all that you need to fulfill all the vows mentioned above; what according to you are the importance of these ‘pheras’? Do let us know through comments.

Text Courtesy: yahoo

12 Ways To Build Trust In Your Relationship

Trust is one of the building blocks of a healthy and stable
relationship. Without it, a relationship crumbles under the
weight of suspicion and disrespect. When you've had something
happen in your relationship or the one prior to your current
one, you already know how important it is that you built trust
for your security. Here are some ways to add trust to your
relationship.

Make sure that what you say is what you're saying

It takes a lot to hold back some of your opinions sometimes. But
when you hold back something important, your partner will see it
in your body language. It's better to tell them what is
upsetting you than for them to have to guess what you are trying
to tell them - and potentially guessing wrong.

Become more predictable

It's the sudden changes that can cause even the most calm and
centered person to begin to question their partner. If you're
doing something that might be perceived as 'out of your
character,' realize that you might be causing suspicion. Try to
keep your habits and actions fairly predictable so that your
partner can assume that everything is okay when your patterns
remain the same.

Be open about changes that you are making

But it's not fair to assume that you will be staying the same
all of the time, so it's best to let your partner know when you
are making changes that might seem radical. Starting a new
exercise program or changing your overall look might be
something that you will want to warn them about - lest they
think that you're primping and preparing your appearance for
someone else.

Believe in your partner

A little faith in your partner will go a long way. When you want
to build trust in a relationship, you will want to trust your
partner as well to make decisions that benefit your relationship
as well as your well-being. It isn't about thinking that your
partner can do anything that they put their mind to, but it's
about having the courage to say that you support your partner no
matter what they want in their life.

Communicate your needs

What you need will go a long way to showing your partner how
much you trust them. By allowing them to see what makes you
happy, you are becoming vulnerable to them and to their
reactions. They might not like what you've decided, though they
probably will appreciate the fact that you are telling them what
you need from them. Trusting them to listen and to respect these
needs will help the favor to be returned.

Be an open book

Keeping secrets is probably one of the worst things you can do
for a relationship. You need to be as open as possible in your
marriage in order to show that you have nothing to hide. When
you're open, your partner will also feel that they should be
open enough to you as well. Small secrets are one thing - gifts,
surprises - but when you start to keep some secrets, they might
think that you're hiding other things as well.

Be yourself

You married the person that you are with because of who they
are. When they start to act differently, that might make you
question what is going on with them. When you want to rebuild
the trust in your relationship, try to remember that you don't
want to change or impress them, but you want to show them who
you really are so that they can trust that person.

Have your own opinions

It's interesting that many people believe that agreeing with
everyone will make them seem more trustworthy. But like 'yes
men' in business, those that always agree seem to be lying some
of the time. There's no need to disagree with others, but you
should also have your own opinions once in a while.

Establish clear boundaries

Set up boundaries that might allow you to feel more trustful. If
your spouse or partner is away, you might establish rules for
talking to other women or let them know things that might make
you uncomfortable. Share what you need to feel secure in your
relationship and ask them to do the same.

Don't be afraid of success

Realize that you can have an open and honest relationship - it's
not impossible. Too many people dismiss the idea entirely and
always look for things to be wrong - however, this leads to
distrust as well.

Communicate often

Take the time to talk with each other frequently so that you
both know where the other one is at. This will allow you to feel
as though there is nothing that you're not communicating to the
other.

Take responsibility

If you keep a secret or lie, take responsibility for your
blunder. People make mistakes, but owning up to them makes you
better for it.


Article by-  Cucan Pemo

10 creative ways to “propose a girl”

1. The t-shirt proposal
   Get a plain white round-neck t-shirt printed with “Sheetal (or whoever), I love you. J” It’s even better to get creative with the t-shirt message. Wear it inside a jacket or shirt and go to work/college or wherever it is that you regularly meet your love-interest. Try to catch her alone and reveal your gift to her with a smile.
2. The YouTube proposal
   Propose to her on video and post it on YouTube. Then send her a very serious sounding mail with the link, and it make it look as though it contains some work related information. You can imagine her reaction when she opens it! Here it’s important to be creative with the message on the video.
3. The alarm proposal
   Get your hands on her cell phone. Set a reminder for 2 a.m. (i.e. sometime in the middle of the night when she’s sure to be asleep) which says, “Wake up Sheetal! Rahul loves you!”
4. The super-dramatic alarm proposal
   If you want to be the drama king, don’t stop there. Set the reminder as, “Look inside your bag!” Put a piece of paper inside her bag saying, “Open you diary/biology classnotes copy.” Write your romantic message inside this diary/copy. (As you understand you can make this chain of actions as long as you want. Just don’t bore her enough to earn a rejection!)
5. They key proposal
   Send a key to her home/dormitory by courier. Don’t give any explanation. After a few days send her a note saying, “Did you receive a key?” Then again after a few days send the final note saying, “The key you received is the key to my heart. I give it to you.-Rahul.” I bet she’ll be in tears! (Assuming you didn’t make a mistake choosing the girl!)
6. The “boxed” proposal
   Send a gift-wrapped box to her home. Put another box inside the first one, and another inside the second one. This is the classic box-inside-box-inside-box proposal. Include as many boxes as you like (but again, like point #4, you know when to stop!), and inside the final one put a key, with a note saying, “I give you the key to my heart.” (Alert: Don’t forget to sign your name at the end!!)
7. The “meal in a box” proposal
   Take the man in the college/office canteen into confidence. The next time she orders something at the canteen she’ll receive a piece of paper on her plate saying “Today you have just Rahul’s (replace with your name!) love for a meal.”
8. The maze proposal
   Get a friend to tell her that Prof. XYZ (if you’re a student)/her boss (if you’re working) is calling her. Make sure you do this during lunch hours, i.e. at a time when the professor/her boss is not in his/her office. Now stick an arrow on the wall just beside the closed door of the office of this person, so that she notices it when she comes to meet him/her. (Don’t stick it on the door under any circumstances!) We humans are curious at the core of our selves, so chances are she’ll follow the sign. Put another arrow on the wall and another one. You can put as many arrows as you like. But, again…remember…Well, you know. :D Lead her to some empty room or any place which is likely to be empty of people. Put a cardboard sign there saying, “You’ve reached Rahul’s heart.” You can get creative with the message here.
9. The picture-perfect proposal
   Get hold of a photo of hers (from Facebook maybe). Combine it with a photo of yours using Photoshop (or get a friend to do it) to show the two of you together. Send it to her by snail-mail with something romatic written on it. Put the name of the sender as “GOD”. Obviously the meaning is that God wants you to be together.
10. The time-bomb proposal
    Send her an email saying, “The 10^th day from today will be the most important day of your life.” (Naturally from a fake email address)  Keep sending her an email everyday from that day onwards, saying, “9 more days to go…”, “8 more days to go…” etc. until the last day. On the 10^th day leave a note on her desk with your romantic message.
    
    
    
    (Source : http://www.loveinindia.co.in)

"Marriages are made in Heaven, but they sure take a lot of maintenance on earth!"

You know the saying, “Marriages are made in Heaven, but they sure take a lot of maintenance on earth!”

That’s the truth!

Great marriages take work and it’s worth the work!

Many times people go from relationship to another seeking the perfect relationship. They can’t seem to maintain relationships, bailing out whenever conflict occurs; later learning there is no perfect relationship.

There is no such thing as the perfect marriage.

Relationships and marriage are high maintenance. If you want good, healthy, relationships in your life, you need to be willing to work at it, you need the wisdom of God, and you need to understand the dynamics of relationships.

5 Valentine's Day Ideas for Long-Distance Relationships

5 Valentine's Day Ideas for Long-Distance Relationships by  Sreejan Guha Niyogi

Start the day with a romantic call

Send flowers or gifts

Make a date

Write a love letter

Make a love collage

(Source : http://www.bollywoodshaadis.com)

A good marriage is made up of…

Awesome twosome in Bollywood- Amitabh & Jaya 

A good marriage is made up of…

* Two people who take ownership for the good as well as the bad. They are a responsible couple.

* Two people believing good wins over bad. They are a hopeful couple.

* Two people walking in each other’s shoes. They are an empathic couple.

* Two people healing the hurts they don’t deserve. They are a forgiving couple.

* Two people living the love they promise. They are a committed couple.