6 signs your relationship is in trouble

Here are six signs your relationship may be in trouble. 

1. The relationship isn't a priority
Between work, kids and life, it can be easy for a relationship to become lost among other responsibilities. "There's an ebb and flow in relationships," says Shizgal. "There are seasons, there's change – it's a work in progress."

However, if your relationship is chronically not a priority then that’s a problem. If your relationship is not a priority, then you've "lost the mutual responsibility for the health of the relationship and the maintenance of the relationship," explains Shizgal.

2. You expect your partner to meet all of your needs 
We often come into a relationship with an unrealistic expectation that our partner will fulfil all of our needs. Your partner isn't your parent, though, so it's not his or her job to meet all of your needs, explains Shizgal.

"It's hard to separate out that my unmet needs are for me to figure out and for my partner to support me in," she says. If you blame your partner – or vice versa – for not assisting you financially or for not helping you cope with stress and anxiety, then you need to step back and consider whose job it really is to fulfil those needs.

3. Checking out
If one or both of you is checking out of your relationship, then that's a problem. According to Shizgal, a relationship is a "conscious partnership" that involves "both people taking responsibility for the relationship, because two people have to be reliably, sustainably engaged," she says.

You need to be aware of how your actions – or lack thereof – are impacting the relationship. Ask yourself what you're bringing to the relationship. Are you present? If you're checking out of the relatinonship, then you're not engaged in a conscious partnership and that's not healthy 

4. Lack of eye contact
"When couples are in distress, even in small arguments, they tend to stop looking at each other and avoid eye contact," says Shizgal.

You could be avoiding eye contact for many reasons: maybe you're not telling the truth or perhaps you're afraid of facing your problems. Either way, not making eye contact is a physical sign of a problem in your relationship. Ask yourself why you avoid eye contact, says Shizgal. Then, actually make an effort to make eye contact with your partner.  

5. You've stopped fighting
Fighting is a sign we often associate with a troubled relationship, and while fighting too much is not healthy, not fighting at all isn't healthy either, says Shizgal. "I think it's important to be able to fight and disagree and survive," she says. "Often, when we can work through conflicts or disappointments, we end up moving closer together."

If you don't fight it usually means that you're scared of upsetting your partner by saying that you're mad. However, if you don't express how you feel then you'll never work through your issues as a couple.

6. A pattern of pursuit and avoidance
"Sometimes people get so scared of jeopardizing their relationship or pushing their partner further away, that one person ends up chasing the other person, while the second person avoids them," says Shizgal. She calls this a "pattern of pursuit and avoidance" or "avoidance/avoidance."

This is usually a symptom of a relationship where the couple doesn't communicate or isn't sure how to communicate well. A couple that is stuck in this pattern has to learn how to communicate effectively and to actually address issues, instead of avoiding them. 

Ultimately, relationships are a work in progress and you need to ask yourself if you can work through the issues you and your partner may have. Can you talk out your differences? Can you renegotiate your responsibilities so that everyone is happier? If not, then your relationship has a serious hurdle that it may not be able to overcome.

source-http://www.canadianliving.com/

The best pre-wedding diet plan

10-point wedding diet plan for brides

If you want to lose weight for your wedding, our pre-wedding diet ideas lift the lid on the best meal plans, weight loss tips, and slimming strategies to help brides shed the pounds.

By following our 10-point plan and a healthy menu, you’ll be sliding rather than squeezing into your gown on your wedding day. After all, nothing beats that feeling of feeling lighter and knowing you are looking your best. The good news is it’s not just a case of scrimping and skipping meals. If you stick to the tips and follow the menu you’ll definitely feel the benefit even if your wedding date is just days away.

Diet tip 1: Always eat breakfast

Kick-start your body’s engine with a low fat, slow energy release, unrefined meal. Aim for a 300-350 calorie meal to fit in with the body’s natural metabolism which is primed in the morning and tails off during the day.

Diet tip 2: Hydrate

Drink plenty of fluids (water, herbal teas and sugar-free cordial); aim for two liters spread throughout the whole day and you’ll feel more energized and alert. Plus, toxins will be flushed away and your complexion will definitely improve.

Diet tip 3: Don’t skip meals

Running on empty is a bad choice as your blood sugar levels will dip causing headaches, fatigue and aggravation, which may even lead to a binge when you eat again. Your body needs a balanced intake of food to function properly, so starving yourself is not the answer.

Diet  tip 4: Cut the booze

If you drink your maximum recommended units (21 per week for women) then you are taking in more than 1,000 extra calories. Strengthen that willpower and try to cut alcohol as much possible in the lead up to the big day.

Diet tip 5: Don’t skimp on protein

Eat a portion of protein at lunchtime to help avoid an energy slump in the afternoon, which could have you heading for the vending machine. Try a chicken salad or prawn stir fry to keep you full into the afternoon.

Diet tip 6: Eat mindfully

You can’t afford to ‘waste’ calories by eating mindlessly at the fridge, straight from the saucepan or while you’re on the go. Make sure that you sit down to savour all your meals and snacks.

Diet tip 7: Use a smaller plate

Swap your normal plate for a slightly smaller one, making your meals seem larger and you'll find your 'full' switch will flip a little faster.

Diet tip 8: Say no to processed food

If it comes in a packet, leave it on the supermarket shelf. You’ll automatically eliminate food manufacturers’ high fat and high sugar products, not forgetting artificial ingredients. Natural and fresh is always best.

Diet tip 9: Move more

Remember, as well as cutting calories you should burn them too – make sure you compliment the 10-point plan with physical activity. Try a brisk walk to work, an invigorating swim after dinner or join a class at your gym.

Diet tip 10: Mix it up

Make sure you don’t eat the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner day-in day-out. Keep things interesting by finding new recipes so that you don’t get bored and end up reaching for the chocolate. A good way to avoid the routine rut is to plan your meals ahead and buy ingredients accordingly.

Weight loss menu ideas

Here’s our mix and match menu to give your diet variety – choose one breakfast, lunch and dinner option and two snack options per day and remember space your meals evenly. Please note this is only a short-term weight-loss plan aimed to cut calories in the run up to you wedding. The best way to lose weight in the long term is to gradually increase your levels of physical activity and follow a balanced, healthy diet.

Weight loss breakfast idea (approx 300-350 calories)

• 50g oats mixed with 100g low-fat natural yoghurt and 100g strawberries

• 45g cereal with 200ml semi-skimmed milk and 200g blueberries

• Two boiled eggs, one slice of wholemeal toast and 10 cherry tomatoes

Weight loss lunch ideas (approx 200-250 calories)

• Brown pitta bread stuffed with 50g lean ham and 100g salad • Two rye crackers topped with 100g cottage cheese and 50g of ham • One slice of wholemeal toast, smeared with half an avocado and a sprinkle of Tabasco sauce

Weight loss dinner ideas (approx 250-300 calories)

• 150g grilled cod, 150g broccoli and 10 roasted cherry tomatoes

• Omelette made with two eggs, two egg whites, 50g mushrooms served with150g salad

• 150g grilled turkey, 150g roasted vegetables (yellow peppers, courgettes, red onions)

Weight loss snack ideas (approx 150 calories each)

• One 120g pot of yoghurt plus one tablespoon of honey

• 50g reduced fat hummus with one medium carrot cut into sticks

• Three rough oatcakes smeared with marmite

Source:  http://www.getwed.com 

The Dangers of Arguing in Front of Your Kids

You know that sick feeling that comes over you when you and your husband are shouting angrily at each other -- and then you look up and see your child standing wide-eyed in the doorway?

If you're like me, you can remember just how upset you felt when you heard your own parents argue. By the time we were preteens, my sister and I had suggested to my parents that they get divorced if they couldn't get along any better. They never did anything of the kind, so I have to conclude it bothered us more than it bothered them.

Is Arguing in Front of the Kids Always Harmful?

An occasional disagreement -- call it a "heated negotiation" -- during which you treat each other with respect and move into problem-solving, say therapists, is actually a good thing for kids. It's considered a form of role modeling. But arguments in which you repeat the same points over and over, or call each other names -- where you are venting resentments rather than solving problems -- have no up side for the children. "If you bully one another, your kids learn to bully others. "And they will turn that treatment right back on you once they are teenagers."

Do Parental Fights Have a Negative Influence on Kids?

"Children start by being frightened by their parents arguing," says Jacobs. "Later, they become disgusted. 'How can they live like this?' they wonder. Eventually, they develop a fear of being similarly trapped, and as adults may have the tendency to bail out of relationships early."

What Can Parents Do to Minimize Any Trauma?

If kids witness a bad argument, don't sweep it under the rug, says Lindquist, go ahead and apologize to them. Reassure them that you love each other. Mention specifically, in age-appropriate terms, how you would have liked to talk about the conflict. For example: "I'm sorry Daddy and I were arguing last night. We both feel bad when we say bad words. We can work things out better when we don't interrupt each other and use soft voices."

How to Keep Arguments Under Control

1. Argue as though the neighbors are able to hear you No name calling, no foul language, no raised voices.
2. Actively use your listening skills.
3. Give direct eye contact and do nothing else while your spouse is
talking. Look riveted. Nod your head, no matter what they are
saying.
4. Repeat what the person has said. Use as many of the same
words as possible.
5. Sympathize. Let the other person know you understand that they
are feeling bad, even if they are blaming you for the problem.
6. Ask, "Is there anything more you want to tell me?" Give your
partner a chance to discover deeper feelings, and to shift to a
calmer, more neutral place.

If you find yourself getting carried away, call a time-out. Stop right there and agree to talk later. Then make a time to sit down and have a real discussion about what is bothering you -- the bigger issues of your life and your marriage.

And do it when your children do not have to be an audience.