Ten Tips for Making Marriage Fun Posted

COMMANDMENT #1: Mind Your Manners!
This first tip sounds terribly simple, yet it's an important place to start. One of the most basic things to remember in keeping your marriage happy is to be polite and treat each other with respect.
In the thirty-seven years I've been married to Arvella, I don't think we've ever had an argument. We've had disagreements. We articulate and verbalize our disagreements with integrity and intensity, but that's not what I call an argument. An argument is when you shout at each other and choose words that demonstrate a lack of respect. I have never failed to respect my wife for the person that she is. And I have never felt that she treated me with anything other than great respect. She treats me like a king; I treat her like a queen.
Of course, it is becoming increasingly difficult to live up to this commandment because the environment and the society in which we live is rapidly becoming more disrespectful. However, I challenge you to rise above the subconscious signals that are being sent out by the media. Mind your manners. Treat each other with respect.
COMMANDMENT #2: Never Stop Courting!
Relationships are never frozen in concrete or cement. Relationships are plastic, fluid, and in the process of change. Consequently courting is a constant thing.
My wife and I have planned a date night into our calendar every Monday night. And when we couldn't afford anything more, we'd buy a hot-dog and sit on a bench overlooking the ocean. In my opinion, no restaurant in Southern California has a better ocean view than the park benches, and the best part is: they're free!
Money is not an excuse for not having a date night. It's not important where you go or what you do as long as you are able to get away from the telephone, the children and the business, and be alone where you can look into each others eyes and talk to each other.
The other day I read a past issue of Psychology Today which said that we are confronted every day by hundreds of thousands of inputs which bombard the subconscious human brain.
Your subconscious gets a lot more input than the conscious mind is aware of. You look at a newspaper, and the subconscious photographs everything. Your cognitive mind probably doesn't read it, but it has nevertheless been programmed in.
When you consider the many, many inputs that affect our minds and our moods in one week's time, you can recognize how important it is to communicate, in depth, and get your relationship realigned every week.
COMMANDMENT #3: Manage Money or Your Money Will Manage You!
Aside from sex, money is the second biggest cause of breakups in marriages. So, allow me to share with you a short and simple formula that has worked for us.
When we started our ministry here, our salary was meager. However, I always took 10% of the money I received and gave it to back to the church. Then I took a second 10% and I saved it for myself and my family. Later I invested it and prayed that it would multiply, which I'm grateful to say it has. Finally I disciplined myself to live on the 80% that was left.
I decided that if I couldn't live on the 80% balance, I was living too expensively for my means. The result was that we fared very well and my wife and I never had any quarrels about money.
Whether or not you decide to live by that formula, make the commitment to manage your money before it manages you and creates unwanted strife.
COMMANDMENT #4: Enjoy Sex!
Sex was meant by God, our Creator, to be lifeís greatest pleasure. Nobody has ever enjoyed sex more than those who have kept it within the confines of the marriage commitment. The first reason is that sex is safe when it is kept within the boundaries of a permanent relationship. You don't have to worry about picking up herpes simplex or AIDS or some other dreaded disease. The best safe sex is to find a super mate and make a commitment to be faithful to each other.
Safe sex is more than just protection from diseases that can kill you. Safe sex is protection from people that would extort or exploit or blackmail. I feel very safe, knowing that I have had sex with only one woman in my life, my very sexy wife. And I have to be very honest and tell you that nobody has enjoyed sex more than I have.
COMMANDMENT #5: Discover Mutual Friends!
If you have just gotten married, I have a warning for you: get ready for a new set of friends. You can't carry your previous friends into your marriage unless they happen to be good friends of your mate as well. If either of you has difficulty with any of your old companions, then it is best to let those old relationships fade away. Marriage is the time to establish a whole new set of friends. Marriage comes first before your old buddy or your old girlfriend.
COMMANDMENT #6: Establish By-laws On In-laws!
In the marriage ceremony it is customary for the minister to ask the question, "Who gives away this woman to be wed?'' It is significant when a father gives away a daughter. That act states that the bride and groom's first commitment is, from now on, to their mate. So one of the first by-laws on in-laws is to put your relationship before all others. The second by-law on in-laws is: Never tolerate conversation that includes negative insults about the other person's family. It is never wise to make unkind comments about your spouse's relatives.
COMMANDMENT #7: Find Happiness In Relationships!
Unfortunately there are too many people today who look for happiness through chemical stimulationís rather than through real and lasting relationships with their spouse. Find happiness where it's real, not hallucinatory. Any experience of joy or happiness that happens to be chemically induced is not real, it is a chemical fantasy. It doesn't generate from the strength of your own brain power, heart power or body power. Find real happiness in relationships that are meaningful.
COMMANDMENT #8: Keep Your Mate In First Place!
Make a decision to grow closer as the years go by. That starts early in marriage when the first child arrives. Don t let your children become more important than your husband or your wife. Your relationship as husband and wife must take priority over your relationship with your child.
It is often tempting to divert your focus from your mate to your children. The mother feels, ''My child needs me more than my husband does."
That's not true! The child needs to be fed, clothed, cared for and comforted, but the child does not need you more than your husband. In fact, your children need a strong marriage from you and your husband more than anything else. When the marriage is strong, the children respond favorably because you have a united authority in exercising discipline or offering encouragement. So draw closer as the years go by. Avoid the temptations that will try to draw you apart and make a concerted effort to cultivate the same interests.
COMMANDMENT #9: Keep Faith With Each Other!
Don't ever lie. And don't ever once break fidelity. You might be exposed.
Some of you are being exposed to temptations, and there are relationships that could really easily get you emotionally involved to the point where you have an affair. You think you can keep it secret. But you can't. If anything was taught to us by Sigmund Freud, it is the inevitability of what we call Freudian slips. You will inevitably give yourself away.
Now, for some of you, this advice comes too late. You've already lied or you've already been unfaithful. Well, remember where we started this message: This is Operation Big Switch. Become a positive thinker, a possibility thinker. And just because you've blown it, doesn't mean that you can't start life over again, here and now.
You can repair the damage you have done. You can repent. There can be forgiveness. It comes through the love and grace of Jesus Christ.
Years ago on one of my first trips to the Holy Land, I bought a jug for 25 cents in Hebron. I tucked it in my carrying case along with some rocks I had collected along the way. The rocks were so heavy that the strap broke, the case fell to the floor, and the pitcher broke. I threw it in a waste basket in the airport in Rome. But my companion, a fellow minister, said, "Oh, take it home. You can glue it together again." I did. I glued it together, and you could see all of the scars and the scratches. I used to keep it on a shelf in my office and when couples came to see me where trust had been betrayed I would point out my jug and say, "Oh, you can repair it, but it's going to leave a scar. You can turn your scars into stars, but it's extremely difficult. It will require the grace of Christ." Be faithful! It's much easier to prevent a break in trust than it is to fix a betrayal!
COMMANDMENT #10: Find A Faith!
Every one of the previous commandments are tied together through this tip. It's the last word, and without it, I don't know if our marriage would have survived. That's because our faith gives a centrality to our emotional system. That central force is the very presence of God in Jesus Christ. St. Paul said, "It is no longer I that live, but Christ who lives in me." I really believe that there is a God. Iíd believe He had to let us know what the score was, and He did that by coming to earth in the form of a human being called Jesus. Jesus Christ was crucified; that's history. They never found a bone, a hair, or tooth. The body just disappeared!
There's ample evidence that the ultimate miracle happened - that Jesus came back to life, and that He's alive today in Heaven. If we accept this by faith and accept Him, that's a leap of faith. When we do accept Him into our live He will respond. Your life will no longer be the same.
Give Jesus Christ a chance to be a part of your marriage, and I would say, if you're an agnostic or an unbeliever, then the least you could do is pray this simple prayer and mean it: "Jesus Christ, if you're alive, I'm willing to be a believer, I'm not so stubborn that I can't change. I'm not so arrogant that I think I know it all. If it's real I'll become a Christian. What have I got to lose? Amen."
A portion of the messages seen on the ìHour of Powerî and under the general title, "Positive Ideas for a Happy Family" are taken from the Fleming Revell publication entitled: The Positive Family, 



Source:http://www.newhopenow.org

How to Stop Fighting in Your Relationship or Marriage

This article is a companion to the How to Stop Fighting in Your Relationship or Marriage audio program:

Is fighting a problem in your relationship or marriage? Fighting is a very serious problem for many couples. The good news is that I am about to help you solve it permanently.

First you have to understand that you should not fight at all, with anyone. I don’t mean you should not disagree with others or your significant other. Nor should you not feel passionate about your disagreements. But fighting describes a set of behaviors that are very destructive to a relationship and must be prevented at all costs.

Here’s what we do when we fight. We get angry and defensive. We get intense and have trouble controlling our emotions, words and actions. People often exaggerate facts when fighting or they say things they don’t mean. None of this is productive in any relationship and especially in a romantic relationship. In fact, it is damaging. And it accomplishes nothing.

Instead, when you have a disagreement with your significant other, follow the nine commandments of fighting fair:

The Nine Commandments of Fighting Fair:

1.    Both people have the right to have needs and wants and make requests of each other.
2.    Even if one person’s needs, wants or requests make the other person uncomfortable or unhappy, it’s still OK to have these needs, wants and requests.
3.    Both people have the right to be understood, to state their case, to be heard.
4.    Both people have the right to express their opinion even if it is about each other, as long as it is done so respectfully.
5.    Even if the conversation makes one of the partners uncomfortable or anxious, it still needs to happen if the other person needs it to happen.
6.    Both people matter.
7.    The conversation needs to end in a compromise, where each person gets as much as possible of what he or she wants – both people need to work towards a win-win.
8.    If a partner brings up an issue, it is already important, otherwise it would not be brought up. Dismissing, stonewalling, ignoring, minimizing and making promises that are not kept is disruptive to the relationship.
9.    Emotions such as anger, anxiety and impatience need to be kept in check, even if it means the couple needs to take a break to calm down and/or talk about the issue in short segments.

If you approach “fighting” in this way, you will no longer have fights. Instead you will have a partnership with two people who come to each other with needs, wants and thoughts that are lovingly, openly received, supported, helped and honored by each other. That’s the kind of fighting that brings people closer rather than tearing them apart.

Both of you need to be at your best when you discuss issues so that you do not fight. It is important that intense conversations be timed when both people have the best possible chance to behave as a loving, supportive grown-up.

This means that when issues come up, do not hold them in and gather them to the point where you are going to burst unless you have it out right then, but do choose the timing of difficult conversations carefully.

A note to men about fighting:

Men tend to see women’s emotions as manipulative and are often afraid of women’s anger. If you are a man who finds it difficult to deal with your wife’s or girlfriend’s anger, I would ask you to think about one thing. She’s not your mother.

When your mother was angry at you or was manipulating you with her emotions, that was a life and death sort of situation. What boy wants to lose his mother’s love? Your mother’s anger or disappointment could probably reduce you to tears when you were a little boy, because she was the number one person in your life.

On the other hand, your wife or girlfriend may be the love of your life, but she did not give you life. She is your equal, not above you. She does not have the power your mother had over you. So let her be angry, and learn to breathe and be with her anger and disappointment – it cannot hurt you. If you can allow and honor her emotions and give her the right to have them, she will see you as her hero.

Last tip to avoid fighting and have productive, loving discussions with your partner:

When your partner is talking, listen. If you start getting upset say to yourself, “He is saying this and I am still OK,” or, “She doesn’t like something I am doing and I am still OK.” It’s a way of bringing yourself down from being upset so that you can listen and be in the conversation and make your relationship work.


(Source: http://www.getrelationshipsright.com )