Importance –History- Story behind ROSE DAY

Roses and love

Roses had always been the symbol of love. Jewelleries, clothing and all other accessories fall in the second category. Be it expressing the love for the first time or to show your love to him/her in a frequent manner, rose had always been the choice. Single or in a bouquet, lovers always love it.

Roses, their color and meaning

Does anyone know that roses and their colors have specific meaning? Well, I came to know these things from internet and I was really amused. Check out the below list to get a complete idea.

Red Roses

Red roses are universally known as the lover’s rose. It is the ultimate symbol of love and there isn’t a romantic day without these red roses. They convey the feelings of sincere love, respect, courage and passion.

White Roses

White roses are traditional wedding flowers. They are also known as bridal roses and symbolize purity and innocence. It also loyally means “I Love You”. White roses convey feelings of love, friendship, respect and even hope.

Pink Roses

Pink roses usually represent grace and elegance. It is gifted as an expression of admiration, feminine and refinement. While red roses give a bold statement of love, pink roses imparts a gentler meaning for it. The meaning also differs as the hue variation. The shades of pink communicate everything ranging from love and admiration to gentleness and grace.

Yellow Roses

Earlier the yellow roses were used to symbolize jealousy and dying love. As the time went on, the yellow color was connected with sun, and started having a universal meaning for friendship. The sun-filled color of yellow roses represents friendship, joy and caring. It can also be used to convey your feelings of appreciation and gladness.

Lavender Roses

This is a great Valentine Flower that symbolizes “Love at first sight”. Lavender roses are unique beauty and they have captured the imagination of lovers. It is a perfect symbol of enchantment and desire. They are the undeniable option of expressing sincere love and appreciation.

Orange Roses

Fiery colour of these orange roses is conjured up with passionate romantic thoughts. Warm, yet vibrant, they are the typical meaning of desire and enthusiasm. Being a powerful combination of red and yellow colors, they also represent a bridge between the feelings of love and friendship.

Bouquet of Roses

Multi-colored roses in a bouquet send him/her additional message. Like, red and white roses in a bouquet represent the unity, while yellow and red roses symbolize the happiness.

What’s in the number?

Even the numbers of roses you present have special meaning.  Check them out too.

·    Single Rose – Love at First Sight, I Still Love You.

·    Two Roses – Mutual Love and Affection, Marry Me.

·    Three Roses – Traditional one month Anniversary Gift.

·    Six Roses – Need to be Loved or Cherished, Infatuation.

·    Nine Roses – We’ll be together forever.

·    Eleven Roses – I Love you truly and deeply.

·    Twelve Roses – Shouts “Be Mine”.

·    Thirteen Roses – Secret Admirer.

·    Twenty Four Roses – Shouts “I’m yours”.

·    Thirty Six Roses – I’m Head over Heels in Love.

·    Bouquet of more than Fifty Roses – Limitless Love.

Now, this Rose Day, which color  and how many are you going to present to your valentine? Happy Rose Day buddies!

Weight loss diet plan for brides-to-be

Getting married? Here’s a sample weight loss diet plan for brides-to-be
by Neha Chandna 



Your wedding is one of the most special days of your life and you certainly want to look your best which needs timely preparation. Nutritionist Neha Chandna shares a sample meal plan to help you shed a few kilos in a healthy way. Instead of crash dieting and starving yourself, lose weight in a healthy way to avoid fainting and other health problems after the D-Day is over.
An early start is always better as you will need to put in less effort and will have more time to reach your desired goal. Here is a meal plan you can start following six months before your wedding date. Remember, though diet is 70% responsible for a healthy weight loss, you also need some sort of physical activity every day to stay fit and burn calories
• Early morning: green tea + 1 fruit
• Breakfast: 1 bowl of oats porridge/ poha/ upma/ idli
• Mid morning: 1 fruit + 4 almonds/ walnuts
• Lunch: salad + 2 rotis/ 1 cup brown rice + veggies + dal + curds
• Evening: whole wheat bread sandwich/ bhel(no sev)/ sprouts
• Dinner: soup + salad+ veggies/ chicken/ fish + 1 roti
• Bedtime: 1 cup skim milk
If you haven’t had the chance to focus on yourself with all the shopping and wedding arrangements, there is still time to tone-up your figure and look your best. You can follow this meal plan three months prior to the D-Day and drop a dress size.
• Early morning: green tea + 2 dates
• Breakfast: oats upma/ oats dosa
• Mid morning: 1 fruit + 4 almonds/ walnuts
• Lunch: salad + 1 rotis/ 1 cup brown rice + veggies + dal + curd
• Evening: 1 fruit
• Dinner: soup + salad+ veggies/ chicken/ fish
• Bedtime: 1 cup skim milk
It’s just 30 days to the wedding, fret not! You can still lose weight. This is a meal plan when only it’s only 1 month to the wedding. In addition to this, get some exercise and don’t stress – with the right outfit, you will look perfect.
• Early morning: green tea + 2 dates
• Breakfast: fruits + nuts
• Mid morning: 1 bowl sprouts/ salad of pulses
• Lunch: salad + veggies + dal + curd
• Evening: soup
• Dinner: salad/ stir fry+ veggies/ chicken/ fish
• Bedtime: 1 cup skim milk
Even if you start with the 6-month meal plan, you can move to the 3- and 1-month plans as you inch closer to the wedding day. Be happy and you are sure to glow and look wonderful on your special day.

Source: http://health.india.com/

7 ways to choose the right life partner

 by Meghna Mukherjee

Selecting the right life partner is necessary to lead a happy married life. Here's how you can select your perfect one

There are many factors that one needs to consider when choosing a life partner. The most important aspect is to consider things that are crucial to you.

·                        Find someone who you can connect with easily
              It is very important to choose somebody who you can easily strike a conversation with.                  This way, you can enjoy doing things and talking about them together without getting                  bored.

·    Potential partner with same interests
Selecting someone who shares a lot of common interests with you will work in your favour. Remember that all your interests don't really have to be the same, but some would do. Says clinical psychologist and relationship expert Seema Hingorrany, "When you decide to spend your life with someone, you must look at things that the two of you would love to do together. For example, if you are a movie buff, you would ideally like to be with someone who enjoys movies as well. This will make your life interesting."

·    Consider your partner's intellect
If you are a laid-back person and your partner is an over-achiever, that could lead to a threat in your marriage. You must see eye to eye on how both of you are able to think and process things.

·    It's okay to have standards
While choosing a life partner, you need to consider your and your family's standards. Though it's okay to choose someone who probably does not belong to the same strata of society as yours, make sure that he/she's not completely off the mark.

·    You should have respect for one another
You obviously cannot spend your life with someone who has no respect for you or your dreams/goals or your personality. So, choose someone who will acknowledge you for the rest of your life.

·    Is your potential trustworthy
In this day and age, it is extremely important to choose someone you can trust. You definitely cannot lead a happy marriage if you cannot trust each other or have faith.

·    Spend time together
Just as important as it is to have similar interests, it is also crucial to be with someone who gives you enough time and who you would love to spend time with.


Source: http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com

8 Jewellery Essentials for a Traditional Indian Bride

8 Jewellery Essentials for a Traditional Indian Bride

By Namrata Chandra

Maang Tikka

This beautiful piece of jewellery had lost its charm until recently as it is back with a bang. It fills up the center parting, i.e., maang that a bride has to keep for her groom to fill in the sindoor later. You can choose a heavier maang tikka if you have a broad forehead and a light delicate one for a smaller forehead. Usually, the maang tikkacomes along with the bridal set so that it is of the same metal and colour scheme.

Necklace

Obviously the most important piece of jewellery, the haar or the necklace should be worn by every bride. Not only does it cover the bare neck area but if properly matched with your outfit, accentuates your look even more. Popular necklace designs nowadays come in Kundan, diamond and gold.

Earrings

Now, how can you wear a beautiful necklace but leave your ears bare? Your earrings and the necklace complement each other. It is your choice whether you want to wear huge and heavy or delicate ones. You have to wear them for the entire night, so this decision should be made cautiously. Heavy ones can cause much pain to your ears. Also, diamond and stone studded earrings go with lighter pastel tones of the bridal wear while gold pieces look good with reds and maroons.

Nose Ring

Wearing a nose ring, whether a small stud or an elaborate one with a string that connects the nose ring and the earring is one’s personal choice. Though it is the most beautiful element of Indian jewellery, it may not necessarily suit every bride.

Bangles

Bangles, bangles and lots of bangles are what a traditional bride needs to don. On the wedding day, a bride is expected to wear real gold/diamond bangles. Girls wearing a chudacan slip in a few gold bangles orkadas at the beginning of thechuda. Also, in some Indian cultures, the tradition is to wear no gold but glass bangles of vibrant colours.

Finger Rings

Finger rings are also an important component of the wedding jewellery set. The bride wears her engagement ring along with the one that she gets with her bridal set. Wearing more on each finger is a personal choice. Colourful stone studded rings, matching the colour of the outfit also look good.

Payal and Toe Rings

An anklet or payal is worn by brides of almost all the different religions and cultures in India. Some wear it out of tradition and some for the look. Toe rings bear a deeper significance. In India, toe rings symbolise the mark of a married woman.

Waistband

Just like the maang tikka, waistbands are back in vogue. A slim and elegant waistband not only forms a part of the jewellery set but also enhances the beauty of the bare torso area.

So all you beautiful ‘to-be-brides’ out there, get going and start collecting these 8 essential jewellery pieces and look traditional yet glam on your wedding!

Source: http://www.bollywoodshaadis.com

4 Reasons to Match Kundali before Getting Married

By Parul Singh

Marriages in India are largely based on Kundali Milan(horoscope matching). It is considered as a crucial step before the final commitment to the prospective bride and groom. Although, not many believe in this horoscope matching ritual. But those who do, will not get their daughter or son married without matching the ‘gunas’ with their prospective partners. Read on to know the reasons behind this kundali matching custom.

1. To check marriage compatibility

Marriage, in Hinduism is considered to be a sacred union which the couple should not only abide by in this life but for the next seven successive lives too. Horoscope basically reflects the planet positions of a person and their effects on his/her life.
According to Shastras, nature considers man and women as single identity post marriage. As a result one spouse’s destiny, luck and fate influences the other. It can either create wonders or lead to a bad relationship. This is why kundali milan plays a vital role in decoding the marriage compatibility of two people.

2. To know relationship quotient

‘Guna’ or ‘Ashtakoot’ is one of the major parameters taken into consideration while matching akundali.  Altogether, there are eight gunas which are taken into consideration to test the amity between two people. Each guna has different numeric points which when added, sum up to a total of 36. The marriage is acceptable if two kundalis match with 18 or more points. Higher score means better compatibility. 

• Varna – Matching of the castes
• Vashya – Attraction
• Tara – Longevity 
• Yoni – Nature and characteristics
• Graha Maitri – Natural friendship
• Gan – Mental Compatibility
• Bhakoot – Relative influence of one on the other
• Nadi – Possibility of child birth

3. To foresee mental and physical compatibility  

Both the partners' mindset, behavior, temper, interest and aptitude are predicted through kundali Milan. This ensures a happy marriage. Also, the level of physical attraction is tested since marriage cannot survive if there is no feeling of desirability for each other. Moreover, the health condition of to-be bride and groom is also a point to be considered.

4. To foretell financial conditions and family adjustment

Financial stability is one thing which every parent looks into. What will be the job prospective in the near future; chances of promotions are analysed through kundali. Besides this, the other thing that is tallied is the adjustment parameter. Whether the girl and the boy can adjust with each other and their respective families or not, whether they can adapt to changing situations or not are part of the matching ritual.

Kundali milan is done to ensure that the newlyweds live a ‘happily ever after’ married life.

Source: http://www.bollywoodshaadis.com

Importance of "Ek Chutki Sindoor" in Marriage....

Significance of Sindoor for an Indian Married Woman

By Parul Singh

Marriage is a sacred institution which marks the beginning of a new life for the bride and the groom. There are many rituals performed during the marriage ceremonies and each ritual has its own importance. But, the most important custom of every Hindu wedding is Sindoor Dana. Here, the groom puts sindoor (red vermilion powder) in his bride’s hair partition, thus symbolising her marital status. In some communities, it is the groom’s mother who does this part to welcome the bride in their family. Putting sindoor is not just a ritual, but signifies a long life for the husband. But, this is just one aspect of it. So, let us tell you more about this important practice.

A divine blessing

The modern society perceives sindoor as a demarcation line between the married and the unmarried women. But, this is not the case. This practice is much deep-rooted. The ritual has been performed for over 5000 years now. Its use has been well documented in Harappan excavations. Sindoor also finds a mention in the Puranas, Lalitha Sahasranamam and Soundarya Lahharis.

It is suggested that the red colour symbolises power. According to the Hindu mythology, a woman has to adorn sindoor till the time her husband is alive. Even Goddess Parvati (wife of Lord Shiva) and Sita (wife of Lord Rama), use to put sindoor in their hair partition. It is believed that Goddess Parvati not only protects the husbands of all the married women who put sindoor, but also wards off any lurking evil. So, the next time your wife applies it, she is indirectly praying for your long and healthy life.  

The science behind it

The application of sindoor is not just a ritual, but a practice which stimulates good health. On one hand it serves as a longevity prayer for the husband, but on the other it keeps a tab on the woman's physical well-being. The sindoor is prepared using mercury, turmeric and lime. Mercury acts as a catalyst that helps to ease stress and strain. It also helps in keeping the brain active and alert. Other than this, mercury also helps in controlling blood pressure, activating sexual drive and libidinal energy. This is why, a widow or an unmarried woman is forbidden from applying sindoor.

For a happy married life

From vaastu to feng shui, women make every possible effort to bring in happiness and prosperity in their homes. But, it is this ritual of applying sindoor which can ease all your efforts. According to the Hindu astrology, applying sindoor in the hair partition is considered to be auspicious as it brings good fortune. Besides this, it is believed that putting the red vermilion powder also activates the chakras in the forehead and on the crown. This attracts cosmic and pranic energy, and bestows the couple with prosperity and good health. 
So, now you know why the elderly women in Hindu families put emphasis on applying sindoor. From the day a woman gets married, this vermilion colour becomes a part of her entity. 

source:http://www.bollywoodshaadis.com

Physical attraction does make a difference in a marriage.

Physical appearance plays a crucial role in shaping new relationships, but does it continue to affect established relationships, such as marriage? In the current study, the authors examined how observer ratings of each spouse's facial attractiveness and the difference between those ratings were associated with (a) observations of social support behavior and (b) reports of marital satisfaction.

In contrast to the robust and almost universally positive effects of levels of attractiveness on new relationships, the only association between levels of attractiveness and the outcomes of these marriages was that attractive husbands were less satisfied.

Further, in contrast to the importance of matched attractiveness to new relationships, similarity in attractiveness was unrelated to spouses' satisfaction and behavior. Instead, the relative difference between partners' levels of attractiveness appeared to be most important in predicting marital behavior, such that both spouses behaved more positively in relationships in which wives were more attractive than their husbands, but they behaved more negatively in relationships in which husbands were more attractive than their wives. These results highlight the importance of dyadic examinations of the effects of spouses' qualities on their marriages.

Source: Beyond initial attraction: Physical attractiveness in newlywed marriage. By McNulty, James K.; Neff, Lisa A.; Karney, Benjamin R. Journal of Family

There are ways to find that perfect partner.

Marriage isn't all fun and games.

So if you're gonna do it, do it right. But how do you know who to marry? Should you just trust your feelings or pick the person who "looks good on paper"? Luckily, science has answers for us:

1) Find someone who you idealize and who idealizes you. (I've posted about the benefits delusion has on love before.) If you're already cynical about the person by the time you hit the altar, you're in trouble:

This study examined the long-term consequences of idealization in marriage, using both daily diary and questionnaire data collected from a sample of 168 newlywed couples who participated in a 4-wave, 13-year longitudinal study of marriage. Idealization was operationalized as the tendency for people to perceive their partner as more agreeable than would be expected based on their reports of their partner's agreeable and disagreeable behaviors. Spouses who idealized one another were more in love with each other as newlyweds. Longitudinal analyses suggested that spouses were less likely to suffer declines in love when they idealized one another as newlyweds. Newlywed levels of idealization did not predict divorce.
Source: "Positive Illusions in Marital Relationships: A 13-Year Longitudinal Study" from Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin

2) Marry somebody with high self-esteem. Ladies, you're probably already attracted to this. Guys, watch out for women who don't feel good about themselves:

A model of the commitment-insurance system is proposed to examine how low and high self-esteem people cope with the costs interdependence imposes on autonomous goal pursuits. In this system, autonomy costs automatically activate compensatory cognitive processes that attach greater value to the partner. Greater partner valuing compels greater responsiveness to the partner’s needs. Two experiments and a daily diary study of newlyweds supported the model. Autonomy costs automatically activate more positive implicit evaluations of the partner. On explicit measures of positive illusions, high self-esteem people continue to compensate for costs. However, cost-primed low self-esteem people correct and override their positive implicit sentiments when they have the opportunity to do so. Such corrections put the marriages of low self-esteem people at risk: Failing to compensate for costs predicted declines in satisfaction over a 1-year period. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2009 APA, all rights reserved)

Source: "Commitment insurance: Compensating for the autonomy costs of interdependence in close relationships." from Journal of Personality and Social Psychology

3) Ladies, want a husband who is actively involved with his kids' lives? Find a guy with higher socioeconomic status. Plus it'll make your kids smarter. (Money never hurts, does it?):

Previous studies in developed-world populations have found that fathers become more involved with their sons than with their daughters and become more involved with their children if they are of high socioeconomic status (SES) than if they are of low SES. This paper addresses the idea proposed by Kaplan et al. that this pattern arises because high-SES fathers and fathers of sons can make more difference to offspring outcomes. Using a large longitudinal British dataset, I show that paternal involvement in childhood has positive associations with offspring IQ at age 11, and offspring social mobility by age 42, though not with numbers of grandchildren. For IQ, there is an interaction between father's SES and his level of involvement, with high-SES fathers making more difference to the child's IQ by their investment than low-SES fathers do. The effects of paternal investment on the IQ and social mobility of sons and daughters were the same. Results are discussed with regard to the evolved psychology and social patterning of paternal behavior in humans.

Source: "Why do some dads get more involved than others? Evidence from a large British cohort" from Evolution & Human Behavior"

3) Guys, you want to avoid that whole "involuntarily celibate" situation that men fear after years of marriage? Don't marry a woman who is sexually submissive:

Women are bombarded with images of women's sexual submission and subservience to male partners. The authors argue that women internalize this submissive role, namely, they associate sex implicitly with submission. The authors propose that this association leads to submissive sexual behavior, thereby reducing sexual autonomy and arousal. Study 1 found that women implicitly associated sex with submission. Study 2 showed that women's implicit association of sex with submission predicted greater personal adoption of a submissive sexual role. Study 3 found that men did not implicitly associate sex with submission. Study 4 demonstrated that women's adoption of a submissive sexual role predicted lower reported arousal and greater reported difficulty becoming sexually aroused; sexual autonomy mediated these effects.

Source: "Sexual Submissiveness in Women: Costs for Sexual Autonomy and Arousal" from Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin

4) Find someone who is conscientious and even a bit neurotic if you want a long and healthy life together:

The present study tested the effect of conscientiousness and neuroticism on health and physical limitations in a representative sample of older couples (N= 2,203) drawn from the Health and Retirement Study. As in past research, conscientiousness predicted better health and physical functioning, whereas neuroticism predicted worse health and physical functioning. Unique to this study was the finding that conscientiousness demonstrated a compensatory effect, such that husbands' conscientiousness predicted wives' health outcomes above and beyond wives' own personality. The same pattern held true for wives' conscientiousness as a predictor of husbands' health outcomes. Furthermore, conscientiousness and neuroticism acted synergistically, such that people who scored high for both traits were healthier than others. Finally, we found that the combination of high conscientiousness and high neuroticism was also compensatory, such that the wives of men with this combination of personality traits reported better health than other women.

Source: "Compensatory Conscientiousness and Health in Older Couples" from Psychological Science

Successful Real Life Star Couples Of Bollywood

Most of Bollywood films ends with happy ending story however, the real life couple rarely end with happy. Successful marriage is a trend that Bollywood actors are yet to follow. Be it the yesteryear actors or the younger breed, a successful romance has not yet proven to be the guarantee to a successful marriage. However, few successful married couples are exception to this Bollywood story.

Starting with Dilip Kumar and Saira Banu, can be count as the most successful married couple of Bollywood.

they are considered as the first Bollywood star couple. While Dilip Kumar was the intractable Tragedy King, Saira Banu was the beauty queen of Bollywood. They fall for each other and got married in 1966. The age difference between the couple was of no consequence, as they stated that they didn’t care about it. Saira Banu was twenty-two and Dilip Kumar was forty-five at the time of their wedding together. Cynics predicted that the marriage would not last for long due to the huge age gap, but they were proved wrong as the couple started going strong even after forty odd years of marriage.

Sunil Dutt and Nargis are often looked at as an example and are known as one of Bollywood’s golden couples who made it despite a number of tribulations. 

They got married on 11th of March, 1958. Sunil Dutt and Nargis kept their relationship under wraps for a long time. Once they were married, they lead a life of togetherness and had three children together. Sanjay Dutt is their eldest son who is a well known actor and superstar in the Hindi film industry. Their daughters Namrata and Priya have also done well for themselves.

When we talk about mid era of Bollywood, one of most ideal couple is comes into mind is Amitabh Bachchan and Jaya Bachchan. Amitabh and Jaya Bachchan’s love story is one that set standards in the film industry due to the absolute commitment that they had for each other. The wedding ceremony was took place on 3rd June 1973. Amitabh apparently had a short affair with Rekha and later refurbished with Jaya Bachchan and live happily. Rishi Kapoor and Neetu Singh is another example of ideal couple of Bollywood. They are considered as the most romantic and made for each other couple of Bollywood. They are perfectly complimented as on and off screen couple. Likewise in recence era, Kajol- Ajay, Akshay- Twnkle, Arbaaz- Malaika, Abhishek- Aishwarya are considered as the most successful married couple of Bollywood.

Source: http://www.delhiweddingvendors.com

10 Qualities of Great Marriages

Here are 10 qualities of great marriages: 

1. Friendship: Spouses who have a strong friendship have staying power in that they not only love each other, but genuinely like each other. They enjoy spending time together and there is mutual respect.

2. Humor: Spouses who can make each other laugh tend to be good at de-escalating conflicts when they do arise. Couples who have the ability to lighten up a tense moment have a big advantage in that they are able to lighten the mood quickly and possibly derail conflict. The use of funny nicknames can be an indicator of great fondness for one another. The names often stem from a "you had to be there" moment from the beginning of their relationship. 

3. Communication: As obvious as this may seem, many couples are not very good at it. Those who are able to openly express their feelings in an emotionally safe environment typically deal with situations as they come up and avoid burying frustrations which always have a way of coming out at some point. 

4. Chore Sharing: Those who divvy up the household or parenting responsibilities in a way that is mutually agreed upon are less likely to hold resentments about what they perceive as "unfair." Each participates and contributes to the marriage in this way. 

5. Sexual Intimacy: Couples who have their sexual needs met or at least have negotiated a reasonable compromise, if their levels of need aren’t compatible, feel taken care of by the other. Some are highly active, engaging in lovemaking multiple times a week and others are content with far less. There is no "right" or "wrong" here, but if one person is feeling their needs aren’t being met it’s important to talk about it. 

6. Affection: Spouses who stay in physical contact in some way throughout the day feel connected to each other, even if it's a simple stroke of the hair, kiss on the cheek or playful tap on the rear. These moments don’t necessarily lead to sexual intimacy but are rather easy ways to say, "I love you and we’re connected" without the words. Some households are so chaotic between jobs, kids and life that these brief shows of affection can be grounding when everything else is swirling around you. 

7. No "Horsemen of the Apocalypse:" This is a term coined by couple’s researcher, John Gottman, who is able to predict divorce with incredible accuracy. His "four horsemen of the apocalypse" are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. He has shown that couples who demonstrate a high level of "the horsemen" in their relationships are more likely to divorce. 

8. Mutual and Separate Friends: Partners who socialize with other couples and also maintain separate friendships have greater balance in regards to honoring themselves as individuals within the marriage. This leads to more self-satisfaction, which translates to relationship satisfaction. 

9. Reliability: It’s human nature to feel good when those we care about follow through behaviorally and we know they will be there. If couples do what they say and say what they do, they create an atmosphere of comfort in knowing their words mean something to the other, which increases emotional safety in the marriage. 

10. Relationship Vision: Couples who have created a relationship vision for themselves know where they’re going as they’ve planned it together. They get joy out of reaching for their goals as a team and are less likely to be derailed by surprises down the line. Where do they see themselves in 10 years? What are their marriage and family goals? 

Perhaps many of the above ideas resonate with you, and perhaps some do and some don’t. It’s also possible that you have many additional ideas about aspects of successful marriages. At the end of the day great marriages are created by the two people involved and are defined as such by what works for each of them together. I encourage you to sit down with your spouse and talk about your ideas of what makes a great marriage and make it so for yourselves! 

Source: http://www.hitchedmag.com/

6 signs your relationship is in trouble

Here are six signs your relationship may be in trouble. 

1. The relationship isn't a priority
Between work, kids and life, it can be easy for a relationship to become lost among other responsibilities. "There's an ebb and flow in relationships," says Shizgal. "There are seasons, there's change – it's a work in progress."

However, if your relationship is chronically not a priority then that’s a problem. If your relationship is not a priority, then you've "lost the mutual responsibility for the health of the relationship and the maintenance of the relationship," explains Shizgal.

2. You expect your partner to meet all of your needs 
We often come into a relationship with an unrealistic expectation that our partner will fulfil all of our needs. Your partner isn't your parent, though, so it's not his or her job to meet all of your needs, explains Shizgal.

"It's hard to separate out that my unmet needs are for me to figure out and for my partner to support me in," she says. If you blame your partner – or vice versa – for not assisting you financially or for not helping you cope with stress and anxiety, then you need to step back and consider whose job it really is to fulfil those needs.

3. Checking out
If one or both of you is checking out of your relationship, then that's a problem. According to Shizgal, a relationship is a "conscious partnership" that involves "both people taking responsibility for the relationship, because two people have to be reliably, sustainably engaged," she says.

You need to be aware of how your actions – or lack thereof – are impacting the relationship. Ask yourself what you're bringing to the relationship. Are you present? If you're checking out of the relatinonship, then you're not engaged in a conscious partnership and that's not healthy 

4. Lack of eye contact
"When couples are in distress, even in small arguments, they tend to stop looking at each other and avoid eye contact," says Shizgal.

You could be avoiding eye contact for many reasons: maybe you're not telling the truth or perhaps you're afraid of facing your problems. Either way, not making eye contact is a physical sign of a problem in your relationship. Ask yourself why you avoid eye contact, says Shizgal. Then, actually make an effort to make eye contact with your partner.  

5. You've stopped fighting
Fighting is a sign we often associate with a troubled relationship, and while fighting too much is not healthy, not fighting at all isn't healthy either, says Shizgal. "I think it's important to be able to fight and disagree and survive," she says. "Often, when we can work through conflicts or disappointments, we end up moving closer together."

If you don't fight it usually means that you're scared of upsetting your partner by saying that you're mad. However, if you don't express how you feel then you'll never work through your issues as a couple.

6. A pattern of pursuit and avoidance
"Sometimes people get so scared of jeopardizing their relationship or pushing their partner further away, that one person ends up chasing the other person, while the second person avoids them," says Shizgal. She calls this a "pattern of pursuit and avoidance" or "avoidance/avoidance."

This is usually a symptom of a relationship where the couple doesn't communicate or isn't sure how to communicate well. A couple that is stuck in this pattern has to learn how to communicate effectively and to actually address issues, instead of avoiding them. 

Ultimately, relationships are a work in progress and you need to ask yourself if you can work through the issues you and your partner may have. Can you talk out your differences? Can you renegotiate your responsibilities so that everyone is happier? If not, then your relationship has a serious hurdle that it may not be able to overcome.

source-http://www.canadianliving.com/